Relationship Management: Developing Emotional Intelligence Stage 4

1. Self-Awareness: Acknowledging and coming to terms with personal strengths, weaknesses, bias and attitudes
2. Personal Emotional Regulation: Learning to self sooth and mindful of feelings
3. Self-Motivation: Internal locus of control and desire to grow
4. Relationship Management: Soft Skills
5. Emotion Coaching: Coach your team to and others on these skills

Open-ended Questions

• Would you tell me more about ___?
• Could you help me understand ___?
• What are the good things and the less good things about ___?
• What do you think you will lose if you give up ___?
• What have you tried before?
• How do you feel now about ___?
• How do you see things changing?
• What do you want to do next?
• What is more important for you now?
• What would it be like?
• What do you imagine ___?
• What would happen if ___?
• What would you do ___?
• How can we ___?
• What is that like?
• Where would you like to begin?

Personal life Questions

• How do you get to work?
• How was your weekend?
• I meant to ask you about …? (Follow up question to something that they shared with you last time you connected)
• What’s something new in your life that you’re excited about?
• What do you think about the …?

Professional life Questions

• How’s the project going?
• I noticed that you were not at the meeting last week. How are you?
• What do you most enjoy about our work? Least enjoy?
• How did you get into our line of work?
• What do you want to be doing professionally 3 years from now?

Rules for the Speaker

• Soft start-up
• Speak for yourself only
• Do not make assumptions
• Use I statements
• Use I feel _________ when ________ statements
• Use a timer and keep statements to 5 minutes
• Stop to let the listener paraphrase

Reminders

• Use “I” statements
• Use descriptive statements
• Use tactful, non-evaluative, or judgmental statements
• Be specific in your statements and avoid generalizations
• Ask questions instead of making assumptions
• Show empathy and understanding
• Be respectful to all parties

Rules for the Listener

• Paraphrase what you hear
• Reflect feeling
• Ask clarification questions
• Focus on the speaker’s message and feeling
• No defending
• No judging
• No criticism
• No arguing for their position
• No giving of opinions. 

Reminders

• Be aware of your partner’s emotion
• Turn towards the emotion and avoid a defensive mindset
• Remember that all viewpoints are valid and need to be heard
• Attempt to understand your partner’s feelings and experience
• Avoid defensive responses and remind yourself that you are on the same team
• Responding with empathy for their experience

How to Support a Venting Person

• Focus on being interested, not interesting
• Start by asking questions
• Look for commonalities
• Tune in with all your attention
• Communicate that you are listening with a nod/sound
• Paraphrase what the speaker says
• Validate the speaker’s emotions
• Maintain eye contact
• Let go of your agenda
• Turn off the TV or anything else that is distracting

Reminders

• Do not attempt to fix any problems
• Do not attempt to defend any actions